Someone to love
by foesjoe
Summary: Ranma has a date. But who is the lucky girl and how did he manage that?
1. Who is she?

**Someone to love**

Disclaimer: The characters of Ranma ½ belong to Rumiko Takahashi. I am only borrowing them.

* * *

Hah! I have once again proven that Ranma Saotome can overcome any obstacle and achieve anything I set my mind to! 

You might be wondering why I'm in such a smug mood at the moment. After all, I haven't gotten into any fights lately, neither have I managed to find a cure for my curse, and I'm currently just sitting on a bench in a park on my own.

But that's just the point: I'm sitting on a bench in a park on my own. Nobody is here to bother me, no fiancées demanding a date, no angry rivals out for my blood, and no old man to pester me about my training. I'm sitting totally alone on a bench in a park. And I'm waiting for my date.

Yes, you heard right. I've got a date today. With a girl. Yes, a girl. I'm a guy and, despite what many people seem to think because of my curse, I'm not gay, damnit! Anyway, the girl I'm meeting today is not one of my fiancées.

This would normally be quite the problem, as all my fiancées are quite against me seeing yet another girl. Hell, they get angry when I just spent some time with one of my other brides-to-be, despite them all having equally valid claims on me. I can't count the times Akane has punched me into the canal because she thought I spent too much time talking to Shampoo or Ukyo. The same goes for Ukyo whenever I visit the Nekohanten to get some ramen and talk to Shampoo, and vice versa.

They're basically all pretty selfish girls who want me only to themselves. But I can't say that I blame them for that. I'm a pretty great guy, after all.

Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked. As I already said, I'm having a date with the cutest girl today. And she's not only cute, she also knows what she wants and isn't afraid to go after it with ruthless efficiency and doesn't care who she might run over in the process of getting it.

I know that most people don't really like her, since she tends to ignore what other people think about her and only cares about herself and getting what she wants. Then there's the fact that she tends to hang out with a moronic wimp who thinks he's God's gift to women or something. That guy's even hitting on me when I'm a girl whenever he sees me, always groping me and trying to kiss me. Stupid jerk.

But I learned to look beyond all that and see her for the sensitive, caring girl she is.

And the best thing is that nobody is going to bother me and my date today.

Why is that, you ask?

Simple, because I had a plan to keep them from bothering me.

What's with that look, jerk? I come up with great plans! And they always work out, too!

All right, so they only work out most of the time and often need to be changed as I go along, but that's not the point!

And anyway, this plan was brilliant in its simplicity, if I may say so.

Let me start with how I manipulated Akane into leaving me alone today.

Don't look at me like that! I can manipulate people, especially angry macho tomboys with the strength of a gorilla.

My objective was simple: Keep Akane from trying to look for me today. And how would I go about doing that? That was also simple: Make her really really angry.

Essentially, I did the same I do every day, only taking it to an extreme level.

When I entered the dining-room this morning, I fixed Akane with a suitably thoughtful look and said: "Wow, 'Kane, you look kinda different today."

"You think so?" she replied, her head bowed to the floor and her cheeks red with embarrassment. I have no idea what actually went through her head at that moment, but I could make a pretty good guess - probably thought I was gonna make her a compliment or something -, and I actually felt kind of bad for what I was about to say next.

"Yeah. Is it possible for breasts to grow smaller? Because it looks like you've become even more flat-chested over night." I know that was a cruel thing to say. Despite what people may think, I'm not clueless when it comes to girls and what they want to hear from their boyfriends or fiancés, but I also knew that this would get the reaction I wanted from Akane.

Predictably, her face flushed bright red – only this time with anger, not shy embarrassment -, and with a scream of, "Ranma, you JERK!" she punched me outside and into the koi pond.

As I swam to the edge of the pond, I congratulated myself for successfully setting my plan into motion, although the throbbing pain in my left cheek that was already starting to swell made enjoying that first success a little difficult.

After I had dragged my dripping wet, female self back inside, Nabiki was the first to comment on the scene that had just taken place.

"It seems like you'll never learn, Saotome," she said dryly, fighting to hold back a smile while her eyes were sparkling with amusement.

"Really, Ranma," Kasumi added quickly, a disapproving frown blemishing her beautiful face. "That wasn't very nice. You should apologize to Akane."

Kasumi's words had seemingly worked to call the fathers, who had until then simply sat there with their mouths opened in stupefied amazement – apparently, my audacious statement had caused their brains to temporarily shut down -, into action too.

"My future son-in-law said my little girl has no breasts. Now the schools will never be joined!" Mr Tendo wailed. He was crying like Happosai had just bullied him into accompanying him on one of his nightly raids without wearing a disguise, revealing to everyone that Mr Tendo was the old pervert's disciple.

"Ranma!" said Pops. "How dare you treat your fiancée that way! Oh, how you shame your poor old father." He was striking a pose whose purpose was to make me feel bad, but only ended up looking like an idiot instead.

"Young man, you will apologize to my little girl this instant!" Mr Tendo said suddenly, going from crying in despair to angry, protective father in the blink of an eye, once again surprising me with how quickly he can switch from one extreme to the other. Just what is it with him, anyway? His mood swings are worse than Akane's when she's PMSing.

"No way!" I said. "I was just trying to be nice to her! Why should I apologize?"

"Just how exactly were you being nice to me, you jerk?!"

I turned towards Akane, and shrugged my shoulders in a gesture of confused cluelessness. "I know how you girls are always worrying about the size of your breasts and thought I'd warn you that yours seem to be getting smaller, since you have almost none in the first place."

Heh, riling Akane up was almost too easy. That last remark pushed her to the point where a nice and angry red glow sprung up around her. "I- I HATE you!"

She punctuated her statement with another ki-enhanced punch, sending me once again into the koi pond, and ran off to school, leaving behind a trail of sparkling tears.

Seeing those tears sparkling in the sunlight cause a jolt of discomfort to strike my heart, but for the sake of an undisturbed date, I had to endure it. I could always make it up to her later. At least I hope so.

I dragged my soggy carcass bag into the dining room, where Mr Tendo was once again reduced to a sobbing wreck, while Nabiki was only shaking her head, still looking at me with amusement. I found myself tempted to return her smile, but that might have revealed that something was wrong, so I desisted from smiling back at her.

Kasumi was sitting at her usual place at the table, fretting with the hem of her dress, and looked almost torn between anger and sympathy. "That wasn't a nice thing to say, Ranma. Even if you want to help, you should never tell a girl that her breasts are getting smaller." Ah, good old Kasumi. Always thinking the best of everyone. She actually believed that I was just trying to be nice. I'll have to think of something to apologize to her for my deception.

Just as I was about to reply that I would keep that in mind, Pops interrupted me.

"Boy! You'll go after your fiancée and apologize this instant!"

"Forget it, old man! I didn't do nothing wrong! It's not my fault that she's flat-chested!"

"Fine, have it your way then!" He jumped at me with his right leg stretched out in a flying kick.

I sighed inwardly. One would think he would have learned by now that I'm stronger than he is, but the learning curve of some people resembles a flat line. My Pops certainly is one of those people.

"I don't have time for this!" I replied as I dodged Pops attack. Then I grabbed his extended leg, and used Pop's momentum to spin around and throw him into the koi pond.

"I'm outta here," I said, grabbing the kettle with hot water in it, turning back into a boy, then I also headed off to school.

At lunch, Hiroshi and Daisuke, the perverted duo who somehow thought of themselves as experts on the subject on girls, despite never having had a date in their life, approached me.

"Dude, what did you do to Akane? She seems really pissed at you," Hiroshi said.

Why, thank you, Mr Obvious. I never would have noticed if you hadn't told me.

"Yeah man, I don't think I've seen her that angry with you since the day you and that other guy accidentally cut off her hair," Daisuke added.

I glanced over at Akane, who was sitting with her two friends Yuka and Sayuri within hearing distance and acting like they weren't listening in on us talking – and doing a totally lousy job at it too -, before I answered in a voice loud enough so they could clearly understand it.

"How the hell should I know? She's just being her stupid tomboy self again. And why should I care what that macho-chick's problem is anyway? It's not like I like her or anything." There, that should get her worked up a little more.

Seeing Akane grip her table tightly enough to break off two big chunks in her anger, I had to suppress a smirk. I had her right where I wanted her, all that was left to do then was to deliver the knock out punch so to speak.

I delivered that final knock out punch as we were walking home after school. I was up on the fence and Akane down on the pavement, doing her best to ignore me.

"You know, 'Kane," I said. "Having small breasts isn't really that big of a deal anyway. You could always buy one of those of wonder bras. Or you could stuff your bra with tissues. You'd just have to think of some alternative for when you're wearing a bathing suit, but since you can't swim anyway, that probably won't be a problem."

Akane continued to ignore me, though her grip on her school bag tightened to the point where her knuckles turned white. I could almost hear the poor satchel begging her to stop torturing it.

"Or maybe you could ask Shampoo for advice," I continued as if I was oblivious to her mounting anger. "She does have pretty big breasts, after all. Maybe there's some kind of special Amazon herb that helps with chest growth? Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever seen a flat-chested Amazon. Heh, guess you won't have to worry about the old ghoul trying to get you into the tribe, what with how it would pollute their gene pool and all."

"Will you shut up already?!" My fiancée screamed at me, having finally reached the end of her rope. "You're such a jerk! I don't want to ever see you again!" She kick the fence I was walking on, causing it to vibrate violently and sending me into the canal.

When I resurfaced, she was gone. Part of me felt elated that my plan had worked so well, while an equally big part of me hated myself for treating her like that. But I silently promised that I'll make it up to her.

You see, all in all, making sure that Akane wouldn't interrupt my date was a piece of cake.

Ryoga I also took care of pretty easily. Well, not really that easily; I had to search for the moron almost the whole day yesterday, until I finally found him camping in an abandoned lot about twenty minutes away from Furinkan High School.

He was sitting in front of a camp fire, feeling sorry for himself as usual, and mumbling about how he would soon tell Akane about his true feelings for her. Then he trailed off into deranged giggling as he no doubt had one of his stupid day-dreams where he and Akane where living happily ever after again. This pretty much extinguished any bad feelings I might have had over what I was about to do. Even if I don't want to marry the tomboy, she is still _my_ fiancée and he has no right to try and win her for himself.

So I snuck up on him and knocked him out. Then I turned him into a pig, stuffed him into a box and mailed him to Siberia.

Hey, there's no reason for you to look so disgusted with that! Everything is fair in love and war, after all. That especially applies to taking care of moronic rivals who have the worst case of direction in the world and who also have the annoying habit of finding you at the worst possible moments. And besides, I even was generous enough to drill some holes into the box so he wouldn't suffocate. That's more than the little porker would have done for me!

Now you know how I took care of Ryoga and Akane, that leaves Ukyo and the Amazons.

Ukyo was a pretty tricky case, but after thinking long and hard about it, I finally managed to come up with something that was sure to have her off my back for a few days.

The day before yesterday, I went to Kaniguchi, he's a member of the Computer Club and he's especially good at altering pictures and stuff.

"Hey, Kaniguchi," I said as I entered the Computer Club room. "Can you do me a favour?"

He didn't take his eyes off his computer screen, but I knew I had his attention. "Depends, Ranma. What do you want me to do?"

"I need you to make me a flyer for a phoney cooking contest in Asahikawa in three days."

He grunted. "Sure, no problem. It's going to cost you though."

"What do you want?" I asked him with a bored sigh, having anticipated this.

At this, Kaniguchi finally looked up and smirked. "I want five pictures of 'Ranko'. Lingerie or bathing suit only."

I crossed my arms in front of my chest and stared him down. "You'll get one picture."

"Nah-ah," he waved his right index finger at me. "You know I'm the best at doing this kind of stuff and my work is worth a lot more than one measly picture. But since those pictures will be unique, not like the ones Nabiki sells, I'll settle for four."

"You'll get two and as a little bonus I won't kick your ass, how does that sound?" To put a little more force behind my threat I narrowed my eyes and raised my battle aura.

"All right, two pictures are more than what I expected anyway," he finally relented. "I'll have them ready in about two hours, is that okay with you?"

"Yeah, sure. Thanks for your help."

So I had invitations to a false cooking contest taking place in Honshu today, which I had placed in her mail yesterday, keeping her away from Nerima at least until tomorrow.

That left the Amazons, and for the longest time I was stumped for ideas on how I could get rid of them. At first I thought about asking some people at school to keep them busy with take-out orders the whole day, but I quickly dismissed that thought. With my luck, Shampoo would somehow stumble upon me and my date while making a delivery.

Then I came up with an idea. It was risky and could just as well lead to me getting beaten up as it could to the Amazons being away for a week. You want to know what it is? Fine, I'll tell you how I managed to send Shampoo to the mountains until next week.

It was yesterday, I had just snuck Ukyo's false invitation into her mail and was on my way to school, when Shampoo arrived on her bicycle.

After I had pried her off of me and denied her request for a date, I looked at her curiously.

"You know, Shampoo, there's something I've been wondering about."

"What's that, Airen?"

"Didn't you tell me once that you were the strongest Amazon of your generation?"

Shampoo nodded proudly. "That right! I is strongest of all young Amazon warriors!"

"Hmm," I replied thoughtfully. "Must be a bunch of wimps then."

"Excuse me," Shampoo said with a smile that told you to better watch what you say or she'll kick your ass. "My ears must be sick. I swear I hear Airen say Amazons is bunch of wimps."

"Don't worry, Shampoo," I replied, smiling at her reassuringly. "Nothing's wrong with your ears. That's exactly what I said."

"Airen want me to give too too good ass-whooping, yes?"

I laughed like I found the mere idea of Shampoo kicking my ass totally ludicrous - which it is, really. "Come now, Shampoo. I've beaten you how many times already?" I started ticking off my fingers. "There was that challenge fight in China. Then there were all those times when you tried to kill my girl form and I had to beat you up because I couldn't run away. I also beat you without even intending to when you tried to kill Akane. Then there was that fight during that reversal jewel mess. And didn't I also have to rescue you from the Ghost Cat? Why did I have to do that, I wonder, if you're such a great warrior?" I glanced at her, and gulped involuntarily; Shampoo was surrounded by a bright corona of a deep crimson colour and looking like she would try to scratch my eyes out any moment now. Despite that fearsome image, I ignored my apprehension and ploughed on. She would either accept my next suggestion or attack me, in which case I wouldn't even try to fight back. I knew that what I had said to her was a really heavy insult and that I deserved everything she would dish out. "You could of course try to prove me wrong. You could go to the mountains with your great-grandmother and train for a week. And when you come back, we'll have another fight."

"Is deal!" She said immediately, her eyes burning with fierce determination. That was probably exactly how I look whenever I accept a challenge with almost no chance of coming out victorious. Only that I, unlike everyone else, always win in the end. "I go train with great-grandmother for one week and when I come back, Airen get too too good ass-whooping for insulting Amazon warriors."

She turned around abruptly, her hair whipping around and slapping me in the face, then she pedalled off, leaving only a dust cloud behind.

As I stood there looking after her speeding away, I felt concerned for the briefest of moments. Then I remembered just how much better than Shampoo I was, and the feeling passed. There was just no way Shampoo could become good enough to beat me within a week. I was the best, after all. Heck, I even beat Cologne, who is a lot stronger, faster and experienced than Shampoo. Okay, so I had to use the cat-fist to accomplish that, but I did beat her.

Reassured that I would win, and happy that I had managed to get rid of all three Amazons at once – it was a sure bet that Mousse would accompany Shampoo on her training trip to support her any way he could -, I continued on to school.

Well, now you know how I managed to be here now, waiting for my date, without having to worry about being interrupted. Speaking of my date, she should arrive any moment now.

Ah, there she is! Isn't she just gorgeous? Don't try to tell me you wouldn't like to take her out yourself. Her perfect figure, that pretty brown hair, the way her hips sway seductively when she walks. Then there's her smile that sends people scrambling to secure their possessions, for they know that otherwise they would surely lose everything they have to this ruthless predator in the guise of a pretty girl.

When she finally crosses the remaining distance between us, I take her in my arms and press my lips against hers in a passionate kiss. After we disengage our lip lock for some much needed air, I look deeply into her eyes and say:

"Hello, Azusa."


	2. How it all started

I sat down on my butt and wrote a little more for this. Hope you enjoy it.

Same disclaimer applies: Not my characters. They belong to Rumiko Takahashi. I'm only borrowing them to inflict horrible tortures upon them.

* * *

You didn't see that one coming, did you? Heh, neither did I, to be honest. I mean, Azusa, when I first met her, appeared to be one of the looniest girls around, second only to Kodachi (which shouldn't come as a surprise, really - no one is loonier than Kodachi.) On top of that, Azusa was really annoying. Wait, let me rephrase that: She was insufferable. 

Then how come I'm currently dating her? That's ... kind of a long story.

It all started about two weeks ago, at the Kodomo no Hi festival.

Akane had been excited about the festival ever since early April – she's kind of a sucker for festivals, which is strange, considering that she's really clumsy and sucks at most carnival games – because usually their whole family would go there and have fun. It was a tradition that had started when their mother had still been alive. I didn't want to ruin their fun, so I agreed when Akane asked me if I wanted to come along with them.

To be honest, I was actually looking forward to it myself, since pops had always forbidden me from going to any festivals while on our training trip, citing: "I won't allow you to go to some sissy festival and slack off in your training, boy! Festivals are for girls! Are you a girl?"

At least, that had always assured me the sympathy of my classmates when they asked me why I hadn't been at the latest festival. They always tried to make up for my old man's strictness by giving me food or allowing me to play with their toys. Later on, they even invited me to have some ice-cream with them to cheer me up. Though that only happened with girls.

What can I say? I've always been an irresistible specimen of manliness. My mother would be proud. If she didn't force me to slit my belly first.

But I digress.

The day of the festival came nearer and nearer, and Akane's excitement grew with each day.

I was torn between getting infected by it and annoyance. But no matter how annoyed I got at her at times, seeing Akane this happy and excited was ... nice. I even made an effort to cut back on my insults for fear of spoiling her good mood. A happy Akane was preferable over a pissed-off one. The only drawback to her good mood was that she cooked with increasing frequency, and I was of course the one to taste her 'creations'.

This was no different two days before Kodomo no Hi.

"Eat up, Ranma!" She said with a smile as she put a bowl in front of me. "I worked really hard to make this for you."

I looked at the green-brown substance in the bowl, then back at my fiancée, trying to keep the dread I was feeling from showing on my face.

"Uhm, that's nice." Way to go! Stay diplomatic, don't insult her! "What is it?"

"It's Hayashi rice! But I thought the recipe was a little boring, so I added some things to spice it up!"

Uh oh, this didn't bode well. Whenever Akane decides to spice things up, I inevitably end up with an upset stomach at best.

I swept my gaze across the table, looking for support from Pops and the rest of the Tendos, but they of course did their best to avoid meeting my gaze, looking everywhere but at me.

Traitors. Haven't I saved their asses often enough to earn a little support in times like this? Apparently not.

I did my best to smile back at her, but I'm sure it was shaky at best. "That's uh ... really nice, Akane!"

I could hear Nabiki's thoughts in my head: Way to go, Saotome, how creative and quick-witted you are, I never knew you had it in you, and had to silently agree with her. Why the hell couldn't I come up with something better than 'That's nice'?

I shook those thoughts off and steeled myself, bringing the bowl to my mouth. A manly man is afraid of nothing, I reminded myself, not even the potentially lethal food prepared by your fiancée.

Resolve firmed, I bit the bullet, quite literally.

It didn't taste so bad at first, a little spicy maybe, but overall not bad. Then the spicy taste was replaced by an extremely sour one, followed by overwhelming sweetness and then bitterness. And suddenly all those flavours combined to something not quite as bad as vomit. Or was it worse than vomit? I can't remember.

Despite my survival instinct screaming at me to spit the venomous substance out, I swallowed, and immediately my vision started to blur, black dots danced in my sight and a cold sweat broke out all over me.

"Well, how is it?" Akane asked. Her voice sounded as if she was far away and talking into a rusty metal bucket.

I fought against the darkness threatening to overwhelm me with all my strength and managed to croak out an answer, "Needs ... more ... practice." Then my last reserves were drained and I welcomed the blessed nothingness that accompanied unconsciousness with open arms.

When I returned to the land of the living some time later, I hurt all over. On top of an almost unbearable stomach ache, which was to be expected, I found that my head hurt like somebody was trying to ram one thousand needles through it and that I generally felt like I had been run over by a steamroller. My limbs were limp and numb, and I briefly had the image of my arms and legs having been replaced by wet noodles. But if that were the case, they surely wouldn't hurt quite as much.

I groaned miserably and opened my eyes, upon which I found out that I couldn't see out of my left eye.

This is it, I thought detachedly, and for a fleeting moment I found myself almost overwhelmed with concern - yes, concern, not fear, never fear. She's finally managed to do it. I've always thought she might one day kill me with her cooking, and even if I'm still alive, going half blind is bad enough.

My stomach chose that moment to violently get back at me for inflicting such horrible torture on it, spiteful little bugger that it is, and I lurched as I tried not to throw up all over my futon.

A bucket entered my field of vision from my left and I immediately grabbed it as I quickly lost the struggle to contain the contents of my stomach.

After I had finished throwing up and was cradling the bucket like others cradle their most precious of treasures, a voice spoke up.

"Oh my. I hope you're feeling better, Ranma."

I turned slowly and cautiously, taking great care not to upset my tormented stomach any further, until I could see Kasumi who was sitting to the left of me.

I figured I should probably thank her for handing me the bucket and preventing me from decorating my futon with half-digested, potentially lethal Hayashi rice , but I didn't feel particularly thankful at that moment. After all, it had been her little sister's cooking that was responsible for my current condition, and it was Kasumi's as well as everyone else's refusal to come to my aid that had once again forced me to be Akane's guinea pig.

"Not really," I replied grumpily as I lay down again.

I closed my eyes and decided to ignore her in favour of meditating and healing myself, but then I felt something cold being pressed against my left eye, making me flinch from the sudden shock the coldness caused.

"Ssh, don't move," Kasumi murmured. "I'm really sorry, but Akane wasn't very happy when you passed out after tasting her Hayashi rice."

She paused then, obviously waiting for me to say something, but I was in no mood to participate in a conversation where Kasumi would only euphemise her little sister's actions once again.

I heard a rustling noise coming from Kasumi's direction, when it became clear to her that I wasn't going to answer, telling me that she was fretting nervously with the hem of her dress, as she was wont to do whenever she was feeling uncomfortable or embarrassed.

"You see, after you passed out, I'm afraid that my little sister got a little carried away in her anger and hit you."

A little carried away? Yeah right, and Mousse is only a little near-sighted. Like it wasn't enough that Akane poisoned me with what she called Hayashi rice, she had to go and hit me while I was unconscious. You were totally right on that first day, when you told me that Akane's a violent maniac at times.

At least, that would explain why I couldn't see out of my left eye: It was swollen shut, a result from getting punched while I was out cold with no possibility to brace myself and minimize the damage. It was not, as I had first thought, the result of Akane's latest culinary experiment. This would also explain why I hurt _all over_ and didn't wake up with nothing more than an upset stomach, as was usual after eating something Akane had cooked.

"But you have to understand, Ranma," Kasumi went on, "this is a very difficult time for Akane. We used to go to the Kodomo no Hi festival together, when our mother was still alive, and remembering this is very painful for my little sister. She tries not to let it show by acting happy and excited, but she's still very much in pain from the memories this day brings up. And when you reacted like you did after you had tasted what Akane had spent so much time and effort preparing for you, I'm afraid it was a little too much for her and she could no longer hold her anger and frustration in check. And you have to agree, Ranma, that what you did wasn't very nice. She worked so hard to prepare a nice meal for you."

Oh no, I'm not going to let you blame me for this. So she hasn't gotten over her mother's death, yet? Fine, I can accept that. But that's still no excuse for her to go around and hit defenceless people. _I_ was taken from my mother before I could even walk. In fact, I never even knew if I still had a mother until she showed up here one day. And then I find out that my own mother, who I hadn't seen since I was two years old, was quite eager to force me to slit my belly. But you don't see me going around and randomly beating up people, do you? But that's typical for girls, they have to make a big melodrama out of the littlest things.

Instead of telling Kasumi all this, I only grunted once more. I knew it would have been pointless anyway, and that Kasumi would just ignore it - she was really good at ignoring things she didn't like to deal with. So I simply lay there, waiting for Kasumi to get to the point already and tell me to apologize to Akane, which she did then.

"And, well, Ranma, I think you should apologize to her. I know that what she did wasn't very nice, but neither was your reaction to her meal, and until you apologize to her, I know that she'll continue to be angry. And I'd really like for her to have a nice Kodomo no Hi festival, it means so much to her."

She fell silent once more, waiting for me to give in to her request, I guess, but I had no intention of doing that.

"I hope you'll think about what I told you, Ranma," she said after a while with no response from me, and if I didn't know better, I would say she sounded almost angry. "I'll be going now."

The damp coldness pressing against my left eye was removed, and a few seconds later it was dropped down squarely on my face. Then I heard clothes rustling as Kasumi stood up, followed quickly by the sound of a door opening and closing.

"Like hell I'm gonna apologize to that tomboy," I grumbled to myself as I grabbed the cold compress lying on my face and shifted it so it was cooling my swollen eye again.

Despite my firm resolve not to cave in and beg my uncute fiancée for forgiveness, that was exactly what I did only one day later. In my defence, I have to say that everybody had conspired against me, especially Pops and Mister Tendo. They switched from threatening me to apologize to begging me to please, please make up with Akane every minute of the day, and even Kasumi shot me those looks which seemed to say 'Please apologize to my sister or I'll be very disappointed in you', but in reality they meant 'If you want me to keep feeding you, you better do as I say'. In the end I gave in just so I could have some peace again.

So it happened that everybody was in a pretty good mood at the day of the festival. Everybody except me, that is. And I didn't bother with trying to keep my bad mood a secret, either, opting to spend the time until we were all leaving in the dojo practising on my own, only interacting with the Tendos at breakfast and lunch, and even then I didn't talk to anybody.

"Boy! Get your lazy ass over here, we're leaving in five minutes!" My father called from the house.

"I'll be right there, old man!" I finished my kata, did some cooling down exercises, and went to join the rest of the family, who had by then gathered in front of the entrance gate.

When I reached them, I saw that everyone except Akane was there and ready to go. I was just about to ask what was taking the macho chick so long, if she had maybe tripped over her own feet while getting dressed and ripped her clothes, when the front door of the house opened and she came running towards us.

"How do I look?" she asked with a smile so radiant it almost made me forget that I was still angry, but I caught myself just in time. This time she wouldn't get me to forgive her just by smiling that special smile that always made my stomach do flip-flops.

She wore a purple dress that was clearly too tight in the hips and too wide in the chest. On top of that she had an orange vest which she had left unbuttoned. And she had chosen to put on a ridiculous wide brimmed white hat that was decorated with a bunch of bright and colourful feathers.

"Like you've been dressed by a blind man who's trying to make you look like an idiot," I answered honestly. Really, she should just stick to her school uniform. That at least fits her and she can't mess it up with her colour blindness, either. Geez, I'm a perfectly heterosexual guy – even when I'm a girl - and I have more fashion sense than my fiancée, how sad is that?

Her smile became strained at my reply and I think I saw her left eyebrow twitch ever so slightly. "Who asked you, jerk?!"

Before I could further lighten my mood by ruining Akane's, Kasumi quickly cut in, spoiling all my fun.

"You look lovely, Akane!" She said, smiling at her little sister. "Shall we go then?"

Everybody agreed and we went on our way, the girls chatting happily amongst themselves, gushing over all the Koinobori along the way, while Pops and Mr Tendo were talking nonsense. I trailed behind a little and did my best to look bored.

We arrived at the festival ten minutes later, and the overall excitement level went up another notch. The girls where gushing how cute everything looked and how much fun we were all going to have, while Pops and Mr Tendo were talking about the good old times when they had been young. Before we actually went in, though, my old man and Mr Tendo got this special glint in their eyes that never bode well.

"I think it would be a good idea if we split up, don't you think?" Pops asked.

"Quite right, Saotome," Mr Tendo agreed. "I think Kasumi and Nabiki should come with us, and Akane and Ranma can go by themselves."

Pops slapped Mr Tendo on his back. "Why, that's a brilliant idea, Tendo old friend!"

"Ahahaha," Mr Tendo laughed embarrassedly. "Every now and then I'm still good for a stroke of brilliance, aren't I, Saotome?"

I rolled my eyes at this blatant and ridiculous attempt at match-making, but didn't bother to protest. I have learned by now that protesting any scheme these two cook up would just be wasted energy. Especially because everything they've come up with up till now has always ended in disaster.

And, as had been the case every time our old men came up with another brilliant plan to get me and Akane together, Kasumi and Nabiki went right along with it.

"Why, father. I think that's a nice idea!" Kasumi said.

Nabiki shrugged as if uninterested, but the way her eyes sparkled in amusement told a different story. "All right. You two behave yourselves. Don't do anything I wouldn't do," she told us with a smirk.

"Don't worry, Nabiki," I said. "I'm not going to sell nude pictures of you to every single guy here."

Instead of reacting with anger, as I had expected her to, Nabiki's smug smile only got bigger. "I know, Ranma-baby. You keep them all to yourself."

"That's only because I can't seem to get rid of them!"

"Oh, Ranma-baby. I didn't know you cared so much." Now she even winks at me slyly. Someday I'm going to get her!

I heard a low growl from my left, and knew instantly that Akane had taken her sister's words at face value. "Rrranma! Why do you have nude pictures of my sister?"

"Aw, geez, Akane! You know that's not true!"

"Oh yeah? How should I know that? I can just imagine a pervert like you sneaking around and taking pictures of my naked sisters!"

Sisters? As in plural of sister? Weren't we just talking about naked Nabiki pictures? How did that turn into an argument about me having naked pictures of both Nabiki AND Kasumi?

I decided trying to figure out Akane's warped thought processes wasn't important right now, I'd only get a headache. What was important was convincing her that I didn't have naked pictures of Nabiki.

"Seriously, you stupid tomboy, how can you believe that for even one second? For one thing, I don't own a camera, and even if I did, I'd do other things with it than taking pictures of Nabiki!"

"Aha!" Akane cried triumphantly, "So you admit to taking nude pictures of Kasumi? You're such a pervert!"

Aaaaargh! "You're such a stupid tomboy!"

As I struggled to make it clear to my upset fiancée that I was just trying to get a rise out of her sister, the rest of the family was quick to make themselves scarce.

"Ehehe, I think we should leave these two alone now."

"You're right, Tendo. Let's go!"

"Oh my, this is all so exciting. Where should we go first?"

"Hahaha. Have fun you two!"

A few minutes later I had managed to calm down Akane, and we were walking through the festival, looking at the different booths and doing some games. Well, Akane was doing games. She wasn't half-bad when it came to stuff where she could make use of her incredible gorilla-strength. And she had some wicked luck when it came to drawing lots. This was evidenced by the very big and very ugly stuffed panda she was now lugging around.

"Ranma, look!" Akane cried suddenly.

I lazily turned my head away from the sky towards where Akane was pointing and spotted the game that had helped me master the Katchu Tenshin Amaguriken. The goal of the game was to catch gold fish out of a water tank, using metal hoops over which very flimsy paper was mounted. You had to be really fast, otherwise the paper would break and you lose.

"Aw, give it up, Akane," I said. "You sucked at this the last time you tried and I'm not in the mood to play games."

"Hah! I'll show you! I've gotten a lot better since the last time. This time I'll win something for sure!"

She marched towards the game booth, eyes narrowed, chin held high and every muscle taut.

Great, I thought, here we go. Stupid tomboy with her stupid pride. I rolled my eyes and walked after her.

"Just watch me, Ranma! I'll get all these gold fish. Here we go!"

Predictably, the first hoop broke because Akane was too slow and put too much strength into it. As did the second, and the third, and the fourth, and ... You get the picture.

Akane grew more frustrated with every failed attempt and I took pity on her, deciding to cheer her up.

"Come on, Akane. You're just too slow and clumsy for stuff like this. Why don't we go and play ring-the-bell? That's the perfect game for you! If you use all your gorilla-strength, you're going to win at that for sure!"

Then, before I knew it, I was airborne, courtesy of Akane's right hook.

"Ranma! You're such a jerk!"

As I was sailing through the air, my ears still ringing from the blow, I tried to think of the reason why Akane had hit me. I know that I oftentimes deserve a good whack, but I was just trying to make her feel better and I even complimented her this time! Damn girls with their mood-swings. Pops was right. Girls are nothing but trouble.

"Stupid tomboy," I grumbled after I had picked myself up. "Why did she have to go and hit me? I was just trying to cheer her up."

I looked around and saw that Akane had punched me almost all the way back to the entrance, and decided to just go home, my mood having been totally ruined by then.

I had barely taken three steps, when I heard soft sobbing coming from behind a booth to my left. I was racked with indecision for a few moments. Should I go look who's crying and try to raise their spirits or just ignore it and go on my way? The second option was very tempting at that point, since I was in a bad mood myself and no good things ever happen to me when I try my hand at comforting, but in the end my conscience wouldn't let me walk away from this.

Damn my conscience and damn Pops! It's all his fault! Whenever I hear somebody crying, I'm reminded of myself as a young boy. Back then I wasn't the manly man I am now and I still used to cry because I wanted my mother or because I had gotten hurt during one of Pops' training exercises. Of course, nobody ever showed up to comfort me. But it wasn't a very manly thing to do, anyway.

Heaving an annoyed sigh, I made my way towards the crying figure, secretly hoping it was a boy my own age, so I could tell him to stop acting like a girl.

When I rounded the corner, I spotted a girl with light brown hair sitting on the ground, dressed in a pair of jeans and a white sweater. She was not very tall and her knees were pulled back to her chest with her arms wrapped around her legs, while she had her head buried between her thighs and was weeping pitifully.

Something about this girl seemed familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked as I approached her slowly.

The girl looked up, tears still streaming down her face, and I recognized her face, but couldn't put a name with it. "Oh, it's you," she said. "You're the boy who's like Charlotte, aren't you? The one who helped that mean girl take my Charlotte away from me. What do you want?"

Now I knew who she was. "You're Azusa Shiratori," I said deadpan. The unbearable urge to comfort a crying girl suddenly got a whole lot weaker. Ah, the hell, I thought, I'm already here anyway and I don't have anything better to do, I might as well try to help her.

"What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"Why should I tell you?" She answered defiantly. "You were mean to me the last time!"

I reminded myself that I came here to comfort her, not beat her up for being a brat. "I know, and I want to make it up to you. Maybe I can help you."

"Really?"

Sigh. "Yes, really."

Azusa gradually stopped crying, only a few sobs escaping her between words. "It's- it's that meanie running this lottery booth! He won't let little Azusa have her cute Jean-Paul!"

I could already imagine why she was crying and felt my left eyebrow starting to twitch, but maybe I was wrong. "So you won a stuffed toy and he didn't give it to you?"

"No," she answered, shaking her head. "Azusa saw this cute Jean-Paul, and when I tried to take it, he hit me over the head and, and he told me to get lost!"

I tried, I really tried to keep control of my anger, but this was just too much. "What the hell did you think he would do? Just hand it over to you and thank you for being so nice as to steal his stuff and not anybody else's? How stupid are you?!"

"Waaaaaaaaaah!" Azusa broke down in a crying fit that would put Mr Tendo to shame. "I knew you would be mean to me! Why is everybody so mean to little Azusa?"

"Tch," I answered, my tolerance for stupid girls having been exceeded at this point. "Serves you right for stealing."

But Azusa didn't answer me, she only cried even harder, and with every passing minute I grew more and more uncomfortable.

"Aw, come on, stop crying," I pleaded with her when I couldn't take it anymore. "I'm sorry for saying all those things, I really am."

It was of no use. Either Azusa couldn't hear me, or she ignored me. Either way, I started feeling like a heel. Just because I had been having a bad day, that was still no excuse for me to be a jerk towards Azusa. Even if she did act like a spoiled little brat.

"Would you please stop crying, Azusa? I already said I was sorry! Look, I'll make it up to you. I'll ... I'll," I racked my brain, trying to think of something that would get the little kleptomaniac to stop wailing, but couldn't come up with anything. Then I was hit by a bolt of inspiration. "I know! I'll get you your Jean-Paul!"

And just like that, the high-pitched cries stopped and Azusa looked up at me with big shiny eyes. "Really?"

Great, I realised, I've been suckered.

"Yeah, yeah," I grumbled. "Just tell me which toy you want and I'll get it for you."

"Yay!" Azusa exclaimed, jumping up and down in joy. "You're the greatest!"

I suddenly found myself enveloped in a crushing embrace, Azusa's face pressed against my chest and her prominent bust poking into my stomach. For a moment I wondered how it could be that such a small girl could have bigger breasts than Akane, then I remembered that my girl form had the biggest bust out of all the girls I knew.

"Ehehe," I said as I rubbed my pigtail in discomfort. This girl was really creeping me out.

Then Azusa stepped back and grabbed my arm. "Let's go! The booth with the meanie is over there!"

"All right, all right!" I said. "I'm coming, stop dragging me! Sheesh!"

The 'meanie booth' wasn't very far away and Azusa stopped between two booths across from it.

"There he is!" She said, pointing towards the booth in question. "That's the meanie who won't let little Azusa have her cute Jean-Paul!"

I checked the money I had on me, seeing if maybe I could just buy some lots and win her stupid toy. However, that plan died quickly as I saw that I had brought only 300 yen with me.

"It's no use," I mumbled. "I'll have to use my secret technique then."

"Eh?" Azusa shot me a questioning look.

"Just wait here," I told her. "I'll be right back."

Two minutes later, and 100 yen lighter, I was back by Azusa's side, armed with a cup of cold water.

"So," I said to her, "which toy exactly do you want?"

"I want the cute kitty-cat!"

I resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of my nose. Of course, I thought, it had to be something like this.

I dumped the cold water over my head, shivering as the change from boy to girl took place, then went over to the 'meanie booth'.

"Hey there, little missie," the booth owner greeted me. "Wanna buy some lots?"

The owner was well into his forties, and I decided that tactic B would be more successful in this case.

"Hello, Mister," I greeted him in my cutest little girl voice. "I'd like to buy two lots, please."

I handed him my remaining 200 yen, getting two lots in return. Both were blanks, of course. It wouldn't do for me to catch a break every now and then.

Okay then, I decided, time to put tactic B into action.

"Any luck, missie?"

"N- no," I sobbed, shaking my head. I looked up at him, my eyes brimming with tears. "It's not fair! I never have any luck at this! And I really would have liked to win that cute kitty-cat!" I let my tears finally run free and buried my face in my hands, hoping the guy would have the same weakness as every other guy over forty I had encountered.

"Come now, little missie, there's no reason for you to cry," he said. "Why don't you buy some more lots, maybe you'll have more luck this time?"

"B- but I have no more money!" I wailed.

The owner stood inside his booth, looking uncomfortable and overwhelmed by the situation. "Ah, err, I guess you'll just have to come back then."

I only cried harder in response.

"Aaah, it's this cat you want?" He asked a few moments later, grabbing the toy in question. "I guess it won't hurt me if I just give it to you."

"R- really?" I asked, looking up at him with tear-filled eyes and a trembling lower lip.

"Ye- yes! Just stop crying, okay?"

I nodded as I stopped my tears and rubbed my eyes with my right sleeve, making sure to let the occasional sob escape me still.

"Okay then, here you go! Just don't tell anybody I gave this to you, okay? It's bad for business." He winked at me and I giggled in response.

"Sure thing, mister! Thanks!"

I turned around and walked away, stuffed cat firmly clutched in my right hand. "Heh, sucker," I mumbled.

"Wow! That was so cute!" Azusa cried once I had given the toy to her, enveloping me in another crushing hug. "You're the greatest!"

That's more like it, I thought, finally somebody who knows how to appreciate my efforts!

"You're welcome," I said, slowly putting my arms around Azusa's shoulders and returning the hug. I found that this hugging stuff didn't feel too bad. In fact, it was kind of nice.

Azusa loosened her embrace a little and looked up at me. "Can you teach little Azusa how to do that?"

"Do what?"

"Getting people to give you their cute things, of course!"

"Oh that," I said. "I don't know if I should teach you how to do that."

"Why not? Don't you like me?"

No, I can't say that I like you, I thought, you're loud and you're annoying and you're a kleptomaniac. Out loud I answered, "No, it's not that. It's just that Akane told me that no real girl would act like I do when I try to get people to give me things."

"I don't care!" Azusa answered. "I wanna learn how to do that! Teach me, pleeeaaase?" She looked at me with big round eyes and I felt my resolve crumble.

"I'm such a sucker," I sighed. "Okay, I guess I could teach you how to use tactic B."

"Yay!" Azusa jumped up and down again, the motion causing certain parts of her anatomy to do interesting things. "Let's start right now! What do I do?"

I started explaining it to her, Azusa paying rapt attention to everything I said.

"Tactic B works best on guys who are old enough to have a daughter or granddaughter our own age. It also works on younger guys, but I usually use tactic A then.

Anyway, the most important thing for tactic B is to look sad and vulnerable. Make sure that your eyes are big and watery and act like the object you want is the most important thing in the world for you. When you think you're prepared, approach the owner of the object you want and ask them nicely to give it to you. Make sure your voice sounds very cute but also very sad.

In case that's not enough, you start crying softly and tell the target just how much you've always wanted to have the object in question, or how much you like to eat it, in case the object is food. Making your lower lip tremble increases the effectiveness of this tactic drastically.

If that's still not enough to get the guy to give the object to you, you start crying loudly, with sobs thrown in for good measure. Almost every guy caves in at that point and hands the object over because they can't stand to see cute girls cry. If your target doesn't cave in, you'll just have to move on to the next target and try again.

Did you get all that?"

Azusa nodded eagerly. "Uh-huh. Let's go try it out, now!" She grabbed my arm again and dragged me along with her.

We spent the next hours suckering unsuspecting booth owners out of food and toys, and I found out that Azusa isn't really as annoying as I had at first thought.

"It's getting late, I better head home now," I told her as it started getting dark.

"Aww, but little Azusa doesn't want you to go!" She said, looking genuinely sad. "Little Azusa was having so much fun!"

"I know, I had a good time, too," I assured her. "But it's really getting late and I have to go."

"Okay, I'll let you go home, but on one condition!" She said then.

"What's that?"

"You'll have to meet with little Azusa again and teach her tactic A."

Uh-oh. There was no way I could meet with her again without getting into trouble. "Listen, Azusa. I really don't think that's a good idea."

"But I really, really want to learn tactic A!" She said quickly. As she looked at me, her eyes got big and watery and her lower lip started trembling. "Please teach tactic A to little Azusa! Pleeeaaase!"

Oh no, I thought, she has gotten way too good at this. How can anybody resist that?

I really intended to deny Azusa's request, but when I opened my mouth, all that came out was, "Okay. I guess I could meet you next Saturday after school."

As I was trying to figure out what the hell I just said and why, Azusa quickly crushed me in one last embrace.

"Yay! You're the best, Ranma! See you next saturday!"

I could only watch her as she happily skipped away, only one thought going through my head,

"I've created a monster."

* * *

Well, that's that. Now I'll have to sit down on write something for my other stories. 

As always, C&C is welcome. I'll even try to answer to any comments you have!


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